His “Something Different” Wasn’t Me

I need to vent. Vent for anyone out there who has ever been made to feel self-conscious and insecure. To those people that make us feel bad or not like our true selves. Suck a big, hairy one! (including me, read below)

Yesterday I had one of those, “woe is me” moments, and just felt really badly about myself. I went on a date with a guy Sunday, and it was good, but I didn’t feel 100% comfortable, the way I did with several ex’s. I yearn for that instant chemistry and connection, and when it’s not there, I usually say “whatever, on to the next.” With this one, I decided he was actually really nice and what I was looking for, so I would see if things got better between us.

And then he told me he “was looking for something different.” As my best friend, Lindsay, said, “dafuqqqqq is ‘something different?'” Sometimes you need your best friend to slap you in the face and bring you back to life. I was wondering what “different” was. He’s a CrossFit coach, so maybe he wanted seriously toned like a CF competitor, or maybe he wanted someone who didn’t talk the way I did, or acted differently. Then I realized, it doesn’t matter what his “something different” meant. This is who I am, and the person I will become is only reserved for those that care enough to stay by my side.

His different wasn’t me, and that’s fine, because there are still so many babes out there that I want to pinch. I will admit that hearing your mostly tamed bf drop bombs left and right made things a lot better.

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*During the writing of this post, I was informed of what “something different” was. Turns out it had to deal with the “click” not being there, because that’s fine, I only felt 75% “clicked” with him, whatever the eff that means. All along I was thinking in my head that I wasn’t fit enough (my biggest demon), when it was just that our personalities weren’t 200% compatible. My personality is the ONE thing I love the most about myself, and while that was what didn’t work for us, it didn’t even offend me.

So, for the 50th moral of this post (the first one being screw those poopheads that make you feel insecure or bad about yourself), stop being your worst critic!

Yes my body is something I am always working on improving, and yes I’m trying to tone several wobbly bits, but just because I’m working on being better physically, that gives me NO reason to always think my body is why a man isn’t interested.

Getting this far in the post made me realize that I AM also making myself feel insecure. Dafuqqqq is up with that?!

You are you. There is always something everyone of us wants to make better about ourselves, but have you ever stopped and looked around to see how many people love you just the way you are? How about when you’re ready to tackle big challenges… your support system is still there. That’s what matters. So stop letting yourself and others get into your head and make you feel less significant than you really are.

I’m going to start doing that, and I hope you do too!

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12 Responses to His “Something Different” Wasn’t Me

  1. Taryn says:

    I think you just put into words what many girls have going on in their heads. It was interesting to actually see the wheels turning though.. to hear your immediate thoughts, followed by the “truth” and your reaction to it. Good for you.. you’re definitely making the best of a not-so-great situation!

    • Allie says:

      Thanks girl! Definitely a post I wanted and didn’t want to post, but I feel like it was so necessary… And it literally was all happening during the writing of it, so it was key to get all sides in there.

  2. Well said :) Moments of realization like that make you an even STRONGER person!

  3. AMEN. Amen to literally everything you said. We are our worst critic. I often find myself playing into the comparison trap and it has GOT TO STOP. We are all different! Love you lady! You are beautiful!

    • Allie says:

      Thank you my love, seriously thank you! The comparison trap is what kills us, but I stop and think that the girls on the bachelorette are gorgeous but just because they are beautiful, flawless and toned doesn’t mean their lives are perfect or that they’ll get the guy. There’s more to us than just 1 thing!

  4. You have absolutely no reason to feel self conscious about anything at all, and screw that guy for making you feel that way. I believe we are our own worst critics….and even though this guy didn’t mean it like you took it sometimes we materialize something in our heads that becomes our truth. And that sucks. Because that’s not true at all ….

  5. Kristen says:

    Seriously, the girls on the Bachelorette are toned and gorgeous and need to go on a flippin’ reality show to meet a guy!!!! You are ever so much more than that! Tell that little voice in your head that puts you down to STFU! Better yet tell her everything you and your friends wanted to say to that guy. ‘Cause she’s the one putting you down.

  6. I love this post, and I love you. :) Every girl (and pretty much all guys too, though they might not show it) is self-conscious about SOME part of their body, even if they’re the most gorgeous thing on earth. (Aka, you. :D ) I’m glad he didn’t turn out to be a giant douche after all, but if it’s not there, it’s just not there. LOVE YOU TO PIECES, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous twinsie! <3

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