I am not alone. Thanks to all of you, you have made me realize that I am not alone in this struggle. And you should know that you too, if you are battling with your relationship with food, you need to know that you are not alone.
When you don’t have a healthy relationship with food, food is rudely powerful.
You think you are in control, but you aren’t. Once a food pops into your head, you can’t shut your mind off. You try to distract yourself with a book or cleaning, but you can’t get it out of your head. All you can think about is how good that snack will taste. You’re not even hungry, in fact, you’re incredibly stuffed, but still, that snack lingers in your head, and you know from experience that it won’t go away until you eat it. So you do. Your willpower cracks. You eat it. It tastes so good. You eat more and more, and if you were stuffed before, well now you’re in pain.
Was the taste worth it? In the end, it never is. You’re left with feelings of guilt and shame because your willpower wasn’t strong enough, but guess what, it has nothing to do with willpower. You HAVE willpower, but unfortunately food, especially the types of food that we crave, have an addicting effect on us. Addiction should be one of the ingredients on the nutrition label.
This isn’t my “I had an unhealthy relationship with food and now I’m better and here to tell you how I overcame my struggles” blog post. No, this is an “I HAVE a screwed up relationship with food, and welcome to this roller coaster journey where I sort it all out” blog/post.
I didn’t cry when I accepted my struggles, nor was it hard to publish yesterday’s post. I had it scheduled to post before it was even finalized. I knew I was going to share my struggles with you because I am ready to tackle this beast head on. Timing is everything, and maybe this is what I needed to dust off this blog and bring it back to life.
Today marks my 6th day of not tracking or weighing my meals, so I am really new to this still, but I want to share with you how those 5 days have gone so far. Both Thursday and Friday were pretty successful during the work day, but once I made it home, that’s when all bets were off.
The evenings have always been where I struggle the most, especially when I have the evening to myself with no plans. On both of those nights, I overindulged in mini Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Larabars that I had on hand. It’s crazy, because I could eat one of these mini Larabars in that flavor during the day and be satisfied and fine, but at night, it’s a whole new playing field.
I think a big part of this is going to be recognizing what my trigger foods are and being very mindful of them. Needless to say, I woke up feeling pretty awful both of the following mornings, but I am okay with those incidents because I think I almost needed to get it out of my system. I am reading Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works by Evelyn Tribole, and in it, she mentions that a lot of people will have their “last supper” type of meals the night before they start a new program, so I almost feel like those two nights were almost getting that last night(s) of overeating out of my system.
Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were awesome for me. I listened to my body and ate exactly what I wanted. I didn’t overeat, and my most proud moment was when I was able to eat Triscuits with peanut butter and stop when I was satisfied. That honestly never happens. Give this girl a box or bag of something, and I will plow through it out of mindless eating.
The few days so far where I have been successful, I feel at ease, happy, and physically and emotionally GOOD. I haven’t felt stressed, anxious, or weak when it comes to my food choices. Saturday and Sunday I ate as the day went on and didn’t have a game plan for what my next meal was going to be, and the only feeling I had was that it was OKAY. Whatever I wanted, I knew I would be able to either make it or get it. Coming from someone who liked having the control of my meals and knowing what I was going to have for my main meals the rest of the day, this was a huge change for me.
I really wanted to share with you my meals, but I’m recognizing that this post is already lengthy, so tomorrow I will share with you what I ate on Monday and Tuesday, but before I wrap this up, I want to say that if you are going through something similar, I HIGHLY recommend pickig up this book. I’m only 100 pages in, but already it is very eye-opening, encouraging, and motivating. Barnes & Noble has it for $17, but I ordered it on Amazon for $7.38! A YouTuber actually recommended reading it if you plan to give Intuitive Eating a try, and I couldn’t agree more!
Actually, here’s my Sunday night dinner. I treated myself to the Whole Foods bar, something that I wouldn’t do when I counted macros, and well, my first experience was weak and embarassing. I really couldn’t decide on what I wanted because I wasn’t sure how much my container would weigh with certain foods, and let me tell you, this stupid concoction cost me $5.50! The sweet potatoes and that falafel were good though. And that falalfel… I had always wondered what they tasted like, so I tried it!
I’m realizing that Whole Foods will be a great place to try new foods, and their selection of desserts is out of this world! I love how you can grab just one small cookie or cupcake and not have to buy an entire package, so I think that if I do crave something sweet from a bakery, Whole Foods will be the place to go!
Anyways, that about wraps up this blog post. I will be back tomorrow with a day in the life post that will highlight Monday in meals and thoughts. Tomorrow’s post will be a glimpse into what most of my future blog posts will look like and what you can expect from this little blog!