The other day at work, my friend Lynds and I were talking about dating, what we deserve, and living our lives for ourselves. We were chatting about a conversation that I had with a previous guy I was dating awhile ago, and I had told her something I had said to him. At first I said that I wish I hadn’t said it, and she scolded me for saying it, but then I defended myself because I believed I had every right to say it.
“What about me?”… or something pretty much along those lines. I will be honest, I said this after he said, “Maybe it’s just best that you move on.” I thought to myself, “wait, why should I move on? Why can’t we just figure out a way to make this work. What about me? Why is it only about you?”
Granted, I didn’t get that elaborate, but it really makes you think. What about me? Holy hell, it should be all about you. Do you. Put yourself first. Make sure all of your needs are met, no matter what life situation you are currently in. I have specific needs in a relationship, and they weren’t being met, so I spoke up.
Once Lynds and I settled on agreeing that I had the right to say that (we have very different view points on dating), she said to me something that has stuck with me. “You need to be okay living on your own and being single forever.” She was so right. So often we think that a guy will come in and make our life better, like there are certain milestones that everyone is expected to reach. Get engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc, etc. Some people just have it really easy in finding love, and others, like me, well, it’s not so easy.
Right now, I’m living at home at 26 (love my parents so it’s cool!), but I want to buy a house. I hate wasting money on rent and know that the next time I move out, it will be to a home I own… maybe. I had always believed that my first house would be with my forever guy, but now, what if that won’t happen. What if I don’t meet that guy until I’m 32. I’m not going to stay at home that long, as much as my parents and I love each other.
My family will freak out when I say this and I am expecting a text message from my cousin Lindsay any second now, but I’m in the mindset of, “I have nothing holding me back, why not go explore the world.” Now, I’ve done this twice already, mind you, and I came back home less than 2 months later each time.
“I have nothing holding me back.. no guy, no love.”
Wait, but I do. I have my awesome family, amazing friends, a good job. Still, I have a gypsy soul and I’m craving change of some sort. I’m very comfortable right now, but comfortable doesn’t get you anywhere except to the couch in your sweatpants with a jar of peanut butter.
Maybe it’s time that I fully accept the mindset that I will be single for the long-term and to start planning a life on my own. There’s no way in hell that my current job pays me enough to buy a home, let alone rent a nice apartment or condo, so there’s a lot to consider. What I do know, is that I think the mindset of focusing on being the best me for myself is what I have to do.
I am young. And yes, while I do have awesome friends and family here, maybe now is the time to spend more of my free time exploring new areas and new things, and to stop living only on the weekends. Jaime sent me a BuzzFeed article the other day, and while reading the article, it made me want to do every single thing on there. The article immediately became my current bucket list. Maybe I will do it, maybe I won’t, but it’s 2014, and it’s time to get out of the mindset that your life should be defined by a relationship.
Would I love to be settled down with a house and family? OhMyGoshYes, a hundred times yes. I am an old soul and crave the settled down life, but I really, truly, 200% want to enjoy my 20’s and not look back when I’m older and say, “I really wish I did that.”
So maybe my current plan is to be thrown out. Maybe I do end up renting an apartment. Maybe I stay local and live my life for myself. Maybe I travel. Maybe I get offered a great opportunity that I can’t turn down. All I know is that this is my time to shine, and it’s time that I stop living such a comfortable life and stop waiting for a man to give me my dream future.
How do you get out of your comfort zone?
What is one thing you wish you could do right now?